As a therapist who has worked with children and families since my undergrad days, I was PREPARED for motherhood. Or so I thought. But, as most other parents can resonate with, parenthood is much more difficult than any outsider can imagine, and it didn’t take me long to figure this out. Once I did figure out how hard it was, I began reading both for information and entertainment. And quite honestly, as a coping skill.

I recently came across a parenting article and I love it for so many reasons. It’s The Rise of Accidentally Permissive Parents by Elizabeth Passarella in The Cut. I think it speaks to so many issues parents are having… resulting in a difficult reality of not feeling like you’re parenting well. What a hard place to be! I highly recommend the read.

During your formative years, you may or may not have been exposed to the developmental work of Erik Erikson. He was a developmental psychologist in the early 20th century who organized human development into eight stages with specific developmental tasks from birth to death. The idea of human and child development can be tricky because development is never a clear or linear path. Each child is unique and worthy and is growing at their own pace. Healthy development cannot be rushed but it can certainly be slowed. Children develop best in an environment of physical and emotional safety. We can embrace our children as humans who strive to be fulfilled, contributory, and in relationship with others. And they will struggle with this, will need guidance, and may look like they aren’t striving for these things but I promise, they are. In their own way. They will, by virtue of being human, encounter obstacles, challenges, and emotional struggles, but they are always developing and evolving. Even if it’s not on our schedule.

Does this happen in your house? When the caregiver who works more outside of the home – the one who doesn’t typically pick up from school, the one who still goes to work even when the kids are sick – comes home from work and the kids run to them, play with them, seem to have really sweet connected time with them? But then you’re the one enforcing all the tough transitions. Time to finish playing and eat, or do homework, or get in the bath, or whatever less preferred activity is necessary. 

Caregivers often come to us because they are struggling with their kiddos’ “bad” behaviors. This is an area many caregivers struggle with and certainly need help during those trying moments. 

At Ensemble Therapy, we care deeply about the “why” behind our practice of counseling. We believe there is not a “one-size-fits-all” approach to counseling; each therapist views the counseling process and their clients through a unique lens formed from years of education and experience. This means that as a client, you can choose the counselor who is the best fit for you or your child. While this freedom to choose the best-fit may sound nice at first, it can be difficult to know how to choose when there seem to be so many ways to do therapy. Not only are there lots of theories on how to practice counseling, often the language behind counseling theories is difficult to understand and apply without any previous background knowledge.

In so many ways, high school and the teenage years are the culmination of the work you have done as a parent. It is the finale, the moment in which you can take pride in all the late nights, the early mornings, the dinners eaten in the car on the way to practice, the fights, and the disagreements. It’s the moment you’ve waited for since your child first came to your home—your child no longer being seen as a child in the eyes of the world, but as an adult.

Thanks for following through this series of talking to kids about race. If you’re just joining us, we encourage you to check out some of our earlier posts about how to talk with toddlers and elementary aged children about anti-racism, equity, and inclusion.

Today, we’re talking about adolescents. Though we’ve talked about the importance of raising anti-racist humans from birth, it’s never too late to start incorporating more diversity into your family’s home, media consumption, and conversations. As Maya Angelou once said, “You do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Adolescents are experiencing a “remodel” in their brains, doing away with old, useless information, and strengthening their beliefs and ideals that are most enforced, so now is a great time to start or continue this work (1). The young brain is truly magical… even though the sometimes sour moods and slammed doors are not!

This blog is the second in a series designed for parents to more easily approach the topic of race, bias, and racism with their children. Much of the language and resources in the Birth to Pre-K blog is also appropriate for Kinder and 1st graders and is generally foundational to this post. Please check it out!

Here you are, the parent of a preschooler or an even younger child. Maybe you are a first-time parent. Maybe you are a parenting pro. No matter, you are questioning how you’re going to begin a conversation, one that you know you should have and might not know how to start, or what is appropriate for the developmental level of your child. A conversation about race.