Chores, Allowance, and Responsibility: Raising Kids with Financial Wisdom and Family Values
Parents often ask me, "What’s the best way to handle chores and allowance?" On the surface, it sounds like an easy conversation about setting up a simple system—figuring out who does what around the house, how much allowance to give, and maybe sprinkling in some lessons about saving money. But the truth is, it’s so much deeper than that. This isn't just about making sure chores get done or determining how much to pay your child. It's about how we shape our children’s understanding of contribution, responsibility, and financial values.
Handling chores and allowance thoughtfully can influence how children see themselves in the family and in the world. It teaches them how to manage their time, energy, and money—all skills that will shape their lives long-term. The way we approach these everyday tasks is our opportunity to instill important life lessons that go far beyond budgeting or household upkeep.
Chores: A Way to Contribute, Not a Job for Pay
Let’s flip the script on chores. Instead of framing them as things children have to do to earn an allowance, what if we showed them that chores are simply part of being in a family?
When children understand that everyone in the family plays a role, they develop a sense of purpose and belonging. Just as parents work to support the household, children can contribute too, and this sense of shared responsibility builds their confidence and self-esteem. That’s why it’s important to separate chores from allowance—chores aren’t something children should be paid to do, but something they do because they’re part of the family team.
Here’s why this matters:
Fostering Responsibility Without Rewards: When we tie chores to money, children might start thinking they should only do important tasks when there’s something in it for them. But life doesn’t always work that way! Some responsibilities, like kindness or helping others, aren’t tied to a reward, and that’s an important lesson to learn early.
Building a Sense of Contribution: When children complete their family roles, they feel more connected to the household. It teaches them that their work has value and purpose, and they gain a sense of importance within the family.
Bonding Through Playful Chores
Chores don’t have to be a drag! When you approach them with a sense of fun and creativity, they become great opportunities to connect with your children. Whether you turn cleaning into a race or make folding laundry into a game, these moments can lead to laughter and memorable conversations. Even cooking or cleaning up after dinner together can create small but meaningful moments of connection, where you chat, tell stories, or simply enjoy each other’s company. When you add a playful twist, these everyday tasks can deepen your family bonds.
P.s.- If you’re looking for some ideas to make chores more playful- check out our Chores Olympics activity in our resource library!
Using Family Roles Instead of “Chores”
Instead of calling them chores, why not give your children family roles? This small change in language makes children feel like they’re not just doing tasks, but playing an important part in the family’s success. By assigning roles that align with their age and skills, you’re helping them feel empowered and connected to the household.
Here are some ideas for family roles based on your child's age:
Ages 2-3:
Toy Organizer: Puts toys back in their places after play.
Laundry Helper: Helps toss dirty clothes into the hamper.
Ages 4-5:
Table Setter: Helps set the table for meals.
Pet Care Assistant: Feeds pets or helps with walks.
Ages 6-7:
Dish Helper: Assists with loading the dishwasher or drying dishes.
Trash Patrol: Empties small trash bins into the main one.
Ages 8-9:
Vacuum Specialist: Vacuums designated rooms.
Recycler: Sorts recycling bins and helps with trash.
Ages 10-12:
Laundry Commander: Manages their own laundry—sorting, washing, folding.
Junior Chef: Helps prepare more complex meals.
Teens (13+):
Head Chef: Plans and prepares meals for the family.
Maintenance Manager: Mows the lawn or helps with household repairs.
The Three-Jar Method: Teaching Financial Responsibility
Once you separate chores from allowance, how do you teach children about money? That’s where the three-jar method comes in. As introduced in Ron Lieber’s The Opposite of Spoiled, this system divides a child’s allowance into three categories:
Spend Jar: Money for immediate wants. It teaches children how to manage their daily spending decisions.
Save Jar: Money for larger goals, like a new toy or a special outing. This jar teaches patience and long-term planning.
Give Jar: Money to donate to a cause they care about. It encourages generosity and shows children how money can align with their values.
With the three-jar method, children learn to balance their desires, future goals, and the importance of giving back. It’s a simple yet powerful tool for building financial literacy while reinforcing family values.
How Much Allowance Should You Give?
A common question is: how much allowance should you give? Ron Lieber recommends giving $1 per week for every year of your child’s age. So, a 6-year-old would get $6 per week, while a 10-year-old would get $10. This system is easy to follow and gives children a sense of growth and independence as they get older.
The key is to remember that allowance is not a payment for doing chores. Instead, it’s a tool for teaching financial responsibility. If you feel the need to tie it back to something, then we can say it’s for their job of going to school. Children learn how to budget, save for future needs, and make decisions that align with their values. By not connecting allowance to chores, children also learn that some things in life are simply expected of them as part of being a family member while managing money becomes an important life skill they practice over time.
Bringing It All Together
By reframing chores as family roles, you give children a sense of purpose and belonging. They learn to contribute because it’s part of being a team, not because they’re getting rewarded. At the same time, using the three-jar method and providing a reasonable allowance teaches them essential financial skills while connecting money to their personal values.
Making these small changes—separating chores from allowance, introducing family roles, and teaching financial literacy—helps foster responsibility, independence, and empathy in your children. In the end, you’re laying a strong foundation for their future, setting them up to make thoughtful, balanced decisions throughout their lives.
References:
Lieber, Ron. The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising children Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. Harper, 2015.
Child Development Institute. "The Ultimate List of Age-Appropriate Chores for children."
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WRITTEN BY SARAH KELTON, LPC-ASSOCIATE
Sarah Kelton (she/her/hers) is a Licensed Professional Counseling Associate (LPC-A) supervised by Jaclyn N. Sepp, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S™, NCC, RYT®200, and Sheila Wessels, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S™. Sarah earned her bachelor's degree in Applied Learning and Development and her master's degree in Counselor Education from the University of Texas at Austin. She is currently working toward her Registered Play Therapist (RPT) credential.
