Understanding Life’s Social-Emotional Milestones in Everyday Life
Throughout life, we celebrate major milestones: graduations, new jobs, relationships, and retirement. Underneath these achievements, there are social-emotional milestones shaping who we are. These emotional turning points influence our confidence, relationships, sense of purpose, and overall well-being.
A few weeks ago, we dove into how parents and caregivers can provide meaningful support to children when challenges arise in their social-emotional milestones. But what about when challenges come up for teenagers? Or what about when challenges come up for ourselves? How can we help teens and ourselves navigate these pivotal moments so that they have a positive impact on well-being and mental health?
A well-established theory in human development offers insights into these questions. Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development explains how people encounter specific conflicts at different ages, which shape their personal growth and social interactions. Successfully navigating these conflicts helps individuals build lifelong psychological strengths.
Erikson’s Adolescence Stage: 12 to 18 Years
In the adolescent years, people are facing the conflict Erikson calls identity vs role confusion. A person develops a sense of identity when they explore different roles, values, and beliefs and integrate them into a cohesive sense of self. When an individual successfully completes this stage, they have a strong sense of identity, confidence in their choices, and a clear direction for their future. However, if they struggle to establish a sense of identity, they experience role confusion. This can be experienced as feeling lost about their values, goals, and place in the world, leading to uncertainty and difficulty making important life decisions, such as what to do after high school.
In each stage, Erikson lists an important event or an important focus for people of that age. In adolescence, the important focus is social relationships. We can see that in the process of developing a sense of identity, teens experiment with various social groups, career aspirations, and personal interests to determine what aligns with their true self. Erikson also theorized that each stage has a virtue as an outcome if the individual successfully completes the stage. In this stage, the virtue is fidelity, which is the ability to remain true to oneself and others.
To help your teenager develop a sense of identity, provide guidance as they navigate their social relationships and roles. You can encourage self-expression through art, music, or sports. Engage in conversations with them that involve discussing their goals. You can foster healthy social bonds by encouraging them to participate in clubs, sports, or other groups. Be sure to also normalize that identity development is a lifelong process.
While we do want them to find what’s currently important to them, they don’t need to have it all figured out now. When talking with them about these topics, it’s important to check that we are coming from a place of encouragement rather than concern so that your child feels supported rather than defensive. (Want to make sure you’re taking the right approach? Check out this book on talking to your teen or this blog on connecting with your teen.)
Erikson’s Young Adulthood Stage: 19 to 40 Years
In the young adult years, people are facing the conflict Erikson calls intimacy vs isolation. A person develops a sense of intimacy when they are able to form close, meaningful relationships with others, whether in romantic partnerships, friendships, or deep social connections. Relationships are the important focus in this stage according to Erikson, while the virtue or outcome of successfully completing this conflict is love. If a person struggles to establish these connections, they experience isolation and loneliness.
If you’re feeling like this is an area you want to grow in, consider taking small steps to build deeper connections with others. This might involve opening up to a trusted friend or seeking out social activities that align with your interests. Prioritizing communication and emotional openness can help to create meaningful bonds that foster a sense of connection and belonging. Therapy or self-reflection can also help identify any barriers to forming close relationships.
Erikson’s Middle Adulthood Stage: 40 to 65 Years
In the middle adult years, people are facing the conflict Erikson calls generativity vs stagnation. A person develops a sense of generativity when they feel they are contributing to the world in meaningful ways. This stage is characterized by a desire to guide the next generation, so this could be through raising children, engaging in creative or productive work, or giving back to their community. When people successfully navigate this conflict, they experience a sense of purpose and fulfillment. If a person struggles to find meaningful ways to contribute, they experience stagnation, feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.
For people in this age group, the important events are work, parenthood, and/or passions. Cultivating generativity can involve pursuing passions, supporting others, and finding ways to make a difference. In this stage, the virtue is care.
If you’re feeling like this is an area you want to grow in, consider exploring opportunities to give back or engage in activities that align with your values. This could mean mentoring someone in your field, volunteering for a cause you care about, or investing more time in meaningful projects. Reflect on what brings you a sense of fulfillment and how you can use your skills to positively impact others.
Erikson’s Maturity Stage: 65 Years to Death
In the years we typically define as retirement, people are facing the conflict Erikson calls ego integrity vs despair. A person develops a sense of integrity when they reflect on their life with a sense of acceptance, acknowledging both successes and failures while feeling at peace with the choices they have made. For people in this age group, the important focus is reflecting on life and the virtue or outcome is wisdom. If a person struggles with regret, they may experience despair or a sense of hopelessness.
If you’re feeling like this is an area you want to grow in, consider sharing your life experiences with others. This can be done through activities such as volunteering as a mentor, teaching or giving lectures, writing memoirs or journals, or joining local organizations or religious groups. Connecting with loved ones, embracing gratitude, and focusing on the legacy you want to leave behind can foster a sense of integrity.
At every stage in life, we face challenges that shape who we are. Erikson’s stages provide a framework for understanding these milestones and how they influence our well-being. No matter where you are in life, it’s never too late to strengthen the virtues Erikson describes: fidelity, love, care, and wisdom. By embracing self-reflection, we can navigate life’s emotional milestones so that they have a positive impact on our well-being.
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WRITTEN BY Rachel Esparza, LPC Associate
Rachel Esparza is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate supervised by Jaclyn N. Sepp, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S™, NCC, RYT® 200 and Sheila Wessels, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S™. Rachel is also working towards her Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™) credential. At Texas State University, Rachel earned her master’s degree in professional counseling (CACREP Accredited Program) and her bachelor’s degree in psychology. She has experience working with children, adolescents, young adults, and families in community counseling settings.
