The Boyhood Crisis: How We Can Support the Next Generation of Men
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a parent when they casually said, "I'm just so glad I don't have a son right now. It's so hard for boys these days." At first, I was taken aback. The comment seemed to contradict what we often hear about men in society—after all, men still hold the majority of leadership positions, tend to earn more on average, and historically have had significant societal advantages. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much truth there was to that sentiment.
There’s a lot more nuance in those statistics than what’s on the surface and balancing those as a caregiver can be an enormous amount of pressure. Raising a good man in a world where he’s both born into a position of power and burdened with unrealistic expectations is not an easy feat.
Understanding the Challenges Boys Face Today
There's a growing concern about what has been dubbed the "failure to launch" phenomenon—young men struggling to transition into adulthood. As Jonathan Haidt and Jean Twenge note in The Anxious Generation, young men are increasingly falling behind in education, employment, and personal development. Boys are more likely than girls to struggle in school, drop out, or become disengaged. College enrollment rates among young men have been declining for years, and when they do attend, they are less likely to graduate. In fact, according to recent data, women now make up nearly 60% of college students, a dramatic shift from past decades (Reeves, 2022).
And then, there’s the mental health crisis. Young men aged 15-24 have suicide rates that are over four times higher than young women (CDC, 2022). According to the CDC, men overall make up nearly 80% of suicides in the U.S. (CDC, 2022). The difficulty many boys and men have in expressing vulnerability plays a big role in this. Society has long told boys to “man up,” to push emotions aside, to be tough. But when they struggle, where does that leave them? Without a clear outlet to process their feelings, too many young men are left feeling isolated, anxious, and unsure of how to navigate a world that seems to be shifting under their feet.
Empathy and Empowerment: Strengthening Everyone Through Support
While progress for women is undoubtedly important, it should not come at the cost of ignoring the struggles of boys and men. Suffering is suffering, regardless of gender. When anyone, including boys, struggles with education, mental health, and a sense of purpose, it doesn't just affect them—it affects families, communities, and society as a whole. Supporting boys in their development does not mean taking anything away from women; rather, it acknowledges that all human suffering is worth addressing.
Empowered people empower others. When we lift others up, we don't just help the individual; we elevate the entire community. Healthy, thriving boys grow into men who contribute positively to the world, benefiting everyone.
Defining Healthy Masculinity
One of the biggest challenges facing boys today is that we are in the midst of rewriting what it means to be a man. For generations, masculinity was often equated with dominance, physical toughness, and emotional restraint. As these outdated notions are being challenged, we have yet to widely establish a new, constructive framework for healthy masculinity. And as with any cultural shift, the uncertainty can feel uncomfortable—sometimes, we cling to the devil we know rather than embrace something unfamiliar, even when that change is for the better.
But here’s the exciting part: we have the opportunity to redefine masculinity in a way that benefits everyone. Instead of limiting boys with rigid expectations, we can help them build identities that are expansive, authentic, and deeply human.
Healthy masculinity is about balance. It includes strength, but not at the expense of kindness. It embraces leadership, but through cooperation rather than control. It values emotional depth alongside resilience.
Unfortunately, because so much public discussion focuses on what masculinity should not be, many boys are left feeling confused about what it should be. The absence of healthy masculine role models in many boys’ lives—whether due to family structure, disengaged mentors, or a lack of strong communities—has left a vacuum. In its place, many young men turn to extreme voices online that offer rigid, and often harmful, definitions of what it means to be a man. Without guidance, they may adopt these ideas, mistaking them for strength and certainty.
Instead, we must provide boys with examples of men who are strong yet empathetic, disciplined yet open-hearted, and confident yet humble. We can show them that masculinity isn’t something to be feared or defended—it’s something that can evolve, something that can be shaped into a force for good. Boys today don’t have to fit into outdated molds; they have the freedom to build new ones. And when we help them do that, we’re not just supporting boys—we’re shaping a future where everyone can thrive (Reeves, 2022).
The Importance of Positive Role Models
Books like Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves explore this crisis in depth, arguing that while past generations of men may have benefited from social structures that favored them, modern boys and men are struggling to find their place. The old archetypes of masculinity—provider, protector, stoic leader—are no longer as clear-cut, and young men are often left without strong, healthy role models to emulate.
Meanwhile, there’s been a rise in extreme figures online who claim to offer guidance but often peddle harmful messages about what it means to be a man. These role models often dismiss emotional intelligence as weakness, glorify dominance, and promote outdated gender roles that can do more harm than good. While conversations around "toxic masculinity" have gained traction, the term itself can sometimes be misinterpreted as a condemnation of masculinity rather than a critique of certain damaging behaviors. The result? Many young men feel attacked simply for being male, rather than being given a positive vision of what healthy masculinity can look like (Aponte, 2020).
How Caregivers Can Support Boys
As parents, caregivers, and mentors, we can start by creating spaces where boys feel safe to express themselves without judgment. Here are some ideas:
1. Encourage Open Communication
Let boys know that their emotions are valid. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and provide a safe space where they can express themselves without fear of ridicule. Modeling emotional intelligence in your own life can make a huge impact.
2. Teach Resilience Through Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Instead of teaching boys to suppress their emotions, show them how to manage stress in healthy ways. This might include physical activity, mindfulness techniques, journaling, or seeking support when needed.
3. Provide Positive Male Role Models
Boys need strong, compassionate male figures in their lives—whether that’s a father, uncle, coach, teacher, or mentor. They should see examples of men who balance strength with kindness, leadership with humility, and confidence with empathy.
4. Challenge Harmful Stereotypes
Reinforce that strength isn’t about aggression or emotional suppression but about confidence, kindness, and integrity. Show boys that it's okay to be vulnerable and that real strength comes from being true to oneself.
5. Foster a Sense of Purpose
Help boys find passions and interests that give them a sense of meaning. Whether it's sports, music, science, or volunteering, giving them opportunities to develop skills and engage in meaningful activities helps build self-worth.
6. Help Boys Find Strong, Supportive Male Communities
Boys benefit greatly from being part of a positive male community where they can learn from and lean on others. This could be a sports team, a mentorship program, a scouting group, or even a local club that aligns with their interests. Finding spaces where boys can see examples of healthy masculinity in action can help them build confidence and a sense of belonging.
7. Check Your Own Biases and Reflect on the Messages You’re Sending
As caregivers, it's important to be mindful of the gender messages we may be unconsciously sending. Reflect on whether you might be reinforcing traditional gender norms or limiting emotional expression in boys. Are you encouraging emotional openness and vulnerability in girls but not in boys? By checking our own biases, we can create a more supportive environment that allows boys to embrace all parts of themselves, fostering a healthier sense of masculinity.
Raising Boys With Confidence and Compassion
Books like Strong Mothers, Strong Sons by Meg Meeker and Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph emphasize the importance of nurturing boys emotionally while also guiding them with firm, compassionate leadership. Boys need role models who demonstrate kindness, confidence, and respect. They need to see men in their lives who balance strength with emotional depth, who know how to lead but also how to listen.
Most of all, they need to know that they are valued—not for how "manly" they are, not for their financial success or physical toughness, but for who they are as whole human beings.
The world is changing, and raising boys in today’s society comes with unique challenges. But by being intentional, thoughtful, and loving in our approach, we can help them grow into men who are not only successful but also fulfilled, connected, and truly happy.
When we come together to support the growth and well-being of our boys, we’re not just shaping their futures—we’re shaping a better world for us all.
References:
Aponte, C. (2020). Masculinity: Is there really a crisis? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/marriage-equals/202008/masculinity-is-there-really-crisis
Biddulph, S. (2018). Raising boys: Why boys are different—and how to help them become happy and well-balanced men. Celestial Arts.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Suicide data and statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/statistics/
Haidt, J., & Twenge, J. (2023). The anxious generation: How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness. Penguin Press.
Meeker, M. (2014). Strong mothers, strong sons: Lessons mothers need to raise extraordinary men. Ballantine Books.
Reeves, R. V. (2022). Of boys and men: Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it. Brookings Institution Press.
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WRITTEN BY Sarah Kelton, LPC-Associate
Sarah Kelton (she/her/hers) is a Licensed Professional Counseling Associate (LPC-A) supervised by Jaclyn N. Sepp, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S™, NCC, RYT®200, and Sheila Wessels, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S™. Sarah earned her bachelor's degree in Applied Learning and Development and her master's degree in Counselor Education from the University of Texas at Austin. She is currently working toward her Registered Play Therapist (RPT) credential.
