Back-to-School Time

Research-based PracticesTherapyParenting ResourcesAnxietySchoolWritten By: Meg Kozel
Written By Meg Kozel

August means back-to-school season for many of us! Shopping for school supplies, new clothes, new shoes, and backpacks can all feel very exciting, and this season may also be filled with lots of complicated, challenging emotions.

While caregivers may be excited for a return to more structure, routine, and possibly even the occasional peace and quiet, many kiddos (and maybe caregivers too) can experience a very different response.

In a season as busy as “back-to-school time,” it can be very difficult to stay in the moment with our seemingly never ending to-do lists. However, this time of year is a great opportunity to really stay present and mindful in order to connect and tune in to our children’s emotions. It is very common for children and adolescents to navigate a wide range of feelings around the beginning of the school year including (but of course not limited to):

  • Fear

  • Anxiety

  • Excitement

  • Stress

  • Dread

  • Curiosity

  • Joy

  • Sadness

  • And Grief

How can I support my child through this time?

The most important things parents/caregivers can do to support their children preparing for back-to-school is to talk with your child, listen, and validate their emotions.

Our adult brains and behavior can easily dismiss or minimize our children’s feelings without even realizing it! This could look like your child coming home from school and telling you they were really nervous because they didn’t know anyone at school. Your knee-jerk response may be to reply, “Just go up to someone tomorrow and introduce yourself! It's not that hard.” Often the desire “to fix” our children’s sad feelings or experiences actually leads to them feeling as if their emotions are invalid or don’t matter…

Remember it is possible to validate feelings without agreeing! This strategy is so important in helping them cope with challenging emotions.

Another helpful tip is to invite your child to name what their feeling is or see if you can do this with your child.

For example, “It sounds like you’re really nervous about going back to school,” or “You’re feeling sad that summer is over.” Naming and identifying feelings and emotions is an important first step before we can heal or cope. Spend some time listening and exploring your child’s emotions with them.

A fun way to do this is to introduce books that normalize feelings and experiences, which can give the child a sense of relatability and understanding. Our bibliotherapy guide is full of books that can help with this.

Give yourself permission to wholeheartedly listen to your child share their challenges without knowing the perfect response. It is totally acceptable to simply say, “Wow. What you’re going through sounds really hard… Thank you for sharing with me.” Feel free to ask questions that deepen your understanding of their feelings without pushing too hard, such as; “Did you feel like this at the end of summer last year?” or “What do you think is making you feel this way?”

Make sure your child knows you hear what they’re saying even if you do not completely agree or understand. Reflecting and validating your child’s emotions will help them feel more understood and connected to you, which is going to be extremely important as they embark on the challenge of starting a new school year.  

Special circumstances may also trigger negative responses towards going back to school. Starting a brand new school, transitioning from elementary to middle school/middle to high school, and/or being separated from siblings or loved ones for the first time are all examples that can lead to an onset of scary feelings not expressed before previous school years. It’s also important to acknowledge that recent events – specifically the COVID-19 pandemic – have really shaken things up in our education system.

We are seeing higher levels of teacher turnover, kids feeling disconnected at schools, and higher rates of children and adolescent mental health needs. Though these special circumstances and unprecedented times have created significant challenges, parents and caregivers can choose to view this as an opportunity to teach important skills to their children in the face of adversity and inspire hope.

NOTE: Inspiring hope does not mean ignoring the bad but instead approaching the year with a growth mindset by inviting our children and adolescents to be open to all the new possibilities that may await them this new year. Caregivers can make the choice of validating the challenges in school from the past two school years and look forward to a new opportunity to reset and start anew!

Some other helpful things you can do to support your child’s back to school experience is to familiarize yourself with your school or district resources. Become familiar with your child’s counselor and administrator and know how to contact them if needed. Does your child’s school have a social worker, CIS, or mental health center? These contacts are important not only for yourself but can also be used to empower and encourage your child to find support on campus, depending on your child’s developmental stage and ability.

Also, get involved as much as possible on your campus. Join your campus’ PTA, volunteer if you are able, and communicate with your child’s teachers. Education is full of passionate individuals who generally got into the field because they love kids and want to help support your child to the best of their ability. Teachers and school personnel can be the biggest advocates for our children when treated respectfully and collaborated with appropriately.

When should I seek additional help?

John Hopkins School of Medicine identifies some symptoms and behaviors that may indicate your child may be dealing with more than just “back-to-school blues.” This is when knowledge of mental health resources on your child’s campus can be incredibly important as they can often be a great source for referrals for community mental health resources.

  • Excessive tantrums, outbursts, or crying when going to school or separating from parents/caregivers

  • Significant changes and struggles in relationships with family and friends

  • Long periods of isolation

  • Not participating in normal activities in or outside of school

  • Physical symptoms such as stomach aches, vomiting, fatigue, etc. that are not connected to any medical issue

  • Decline in school work and/or grades  

If your child begins to exhibit any of the above mentioned behaviors, do your best to continue to validate and avoid stigmatizing the need to seek outside help. After all, asking for help is necessary! We all ask for help in lots of different ways on a daily basis, and our mental health should be no different.

Finally, don’t end summer too early! In these last few days before the first day of school, it can be tempting to focus on practicing routines, earlier bedtimes, and other adjustments that will help the upcoming adjustment. However, it is important to still find time to enjoy summer and have fun as a family as much as possible! Have that movie night one last time, go to the pool, eat popsicles, do all the summer fun things as much as possible until that very last moment. Prioritizing this kind of quality time can lead our children feeling connected and secure and be potentially more powerful than any mental health intervention.

References:

Interested in booking a session with us?

Meg Kozel
Previous

Talking About Sexual Development with Your Teen
Next

Sorry...