Your Support Team During a Divorce
A few years ago, Lynn Louise Wonders, MA, LPC, CPCS, RPT-S shared an open letter to parents going through a divorce. In this letter, she shares things that help make the divorce process go smoothly for every member of the family. One of her points is to gather your adult-helpers and know what purpose each person’s job serves. Today, I want to dive a little deeper into helping you understand each of these roles.
Attorney
Your attorney offers legal advice and counseling, facilitates mediation and settlement discussions, provides court representation, and aids in child custody and support arrangements.
I specifically want to talk more about the last piece because that is where overlap happens with the other roles shared here. Your attorney will know the factors that the court considers in determining custody arrangements and will be able to guide you through the process with the court system.
Sometimes a child’s therapist will be asked to speak to what they believe would be the best custody arrangement, but in the state of Texas it is against a licensed professional counselor’s ethical guidelines to do so. Therapists follow ethical guidelines that are set by the association they are a part of: licensed professional counselors follow the guidelines set by the American Counseling Association and licensed clinical social workers follow the guidelines set by the National Association of Social Workers. In addition, the Texas Family Code states that therapists cannot make recommendations for possession and access, as well as recommendations for schooling.
If you’re looking for someone to speak to what they believe would be the best custody arrangement, you’ll want to meet with a custody evaluator, which we’ll explore more in a moment. Attorneys also help with post-divorce issues, such as modifying child custody and support arrangements and appeals.
Custody Evaluator
A custody evaluator assesses and makes recommendations on custody arrangements that are in the best interest of the child(ren).
The custody evaluator may conduct interviews, home visits and observations, and testing to guide their decision. Custody evaluators have special training in family dynamics, child development, and forensic evaluation that qualify them to speak to the best custody arrangement. They provide an objective perspective on what is in the best interest of the child(ren).
Guardian ad Litem
A Guardian ad Litem also works to represent the best interest of the child(ren) (and not necessarily what they say they want) and they work in family law cases.
Also like a custody evaluator, a guardian ad litem may conduct interviews and home visits. So how is this role different from a custody evaluator? The guardian ad litem is an ongoing advocate for the best interest of the child(ren) throughout the divorce proceedings, while the custody evaluator’s role is to provide an objective perspective to help the court make an informed decision and is not an ongoing advocate.
Your Child’s Therapist
Your child’s therapist is there to help them process the emotional and psychological stress that occurs during a divorce.
When you meet with your child’s therapist, you can work to set up goals for your child’s time in therapy, such as improving emotional regulation, establishing secure relationships with both caregivers, eliminating feelings of guilt, or positively adjusting to new circumstances. Your child’s therapist may also share some general information and resources about co-parenting and divorce, but in-depth guidance in these areas comes from a co-parenting counselor or a divorce coach, as your child’s therapist is there to focus on your child’s well-being. We’ll circle back to these two roles, too.
Your Personal Therapist
Your personal therapist is there to help you process the emotional and psychological stress that occurs during a divorce.
You might have your own specific goals for therapy, or you may need a space to process the stress and changes you’re experiencing. Make sure you’re receiving the emotional support you need during this time!
Divorce Coach
While your personal therapist focuses on emotional support, a divorce coach focuses on more logistical support to help you through a big life transition while minimizing conflict.
A divorce coach facilitates navigating the divorce process, assists in decision-making, helps to set goals, and guides you in organizing and preparing documents. Divorce coaches don’t provide legal advice, but they may help you select and communicate with your attorney. Divorce coaches may also help with some co-parenting skills, such as communication. This might be someone you reach out to earlier in the divorce process so they’re able to guide you through it.
Co-Parenting Coach
While your child’s therapist, your personal therapist, and your divorce coach may all provide a bit of information on co-parenting, a co-parenting coach is the one with the expertise in this area.
A co-parenting coach focuses on improving communication between caregivers while helping to develop parenting plans, guiding boundary setting, and enhancing parenting skills. This might be someone that you work with even once the divorce is finalized as you learn to co-parent.
Navigating the complexities of divorce requires understanding the roles of various professionals who can support you and your family through this time, so I hope this information provides some clarity as you search for your support team!
If you’d like to read more about navigating a divorce, check out our blogs on supporting your child through a divorce and how to be successful at co-parenting.
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WRITTEN BY Rachel Esparza, LPC Associate (She/Her/Hers)
Rachel Esparza is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate supervised by Jaclyn N. Sepp, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S™, NCC, RYT® 200 and Sheila Wessels, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S™. Rachel is also working towards her Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™) credential. At Texas State University, Rachel earned her Master’s degree in Professional Counseling (CACREP Accredited Program) and her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. She has experience working with children, adolescents, young adults, and families in community counseling settings.
