Why Children Don’t Need to Talk in Play Therapy
Play therapy can seem like magic at times. Your child comes to our office for 45 minutes once a week to play and after an average of five months, they’ve completed their therapeutic goals! Their emotional regulation has improved, their anxiety has decreased, or maybe their self-esteem is higher. If you’re interested in learning about how play is therapeutic, I’d recommend checking out Jaclyn’s blog on the therapeutic powers of play.
Today, I’ll be answering some other frequently asked questions about how play therapy works: What if my child doesn’t bring up my concerns in sessions? How will you work on treatment goals while my child is playing? What if my child does not exhibit behaviors with you that we are seeing at home?
What if my child doesn’t bring up my concerns in sessions?
On our page that explains a bit about what goes on behind the playroom door, we explain, “Just as an adult talking to a friend is not the same as seeing a clinician, your child playing in the therapeutic playroom is not the same as them playing at home or with friends. When an adult or a child is with a licensed clinician, the clinician has been trained to create an environment that allows for therapeutic growth.”
Adults go to talk therapy and talk to explain to the therapist what their life is like. Children come to play therapy and play out what the world is like for them. Therapists who work with adults learned in graduate school how to identify key parts of what their client is communicating and how to respond in a way that allows for therapeutic growth. Therapists who work with children have learned how to identify what children are communicating through play and how to respond in a way that allows for therapeutic growth.
So what does it look like when children are communicating what the world is like for them? Let’s look at some examples.
For our first example, let’s imagine that in the initial consultation, the caregivers explain to the clinician that they are concerned about their child’s level of anxiety. When the child comes to the playroom, they may not be expressing anxiety the same way they do at home. Instead, they might get out the bin of animals and organize them by size or type, communicating that they feel like they need to bring order to their world. This child might restart a drawing many times, communicating a sense of perfectionism: feeling like they must do it right to be worthy.
Another caregiver is concerned about their child being bullied at school. This child might have the monster figurine attack the dollhouse, communicating that their world feels unsafe. This child might put a doll in time-out after it hits another doll, communicating that others need to have consequences.
Here’s one more example. A caregiver is concerned about the way their child has responded to a new sibling being born. This child might hide small objects around the room and ask the therapist to find them, communicating that they want to be “found” (seen). This child might play with a baby doll who won’t stop crying, communicating that they don’t feel heard.
How will you work on treatment goals while my child is playing?
Earlier I said that therapists who work with children have learned how to respond to children’s play in a way that allows for therapeutic growth. Let’s dive a little deeper into what that means.
The first thing the play therapist does in child-centered play therapy is establish permissive conditions in the playroom (that means that the child gets to decide most of what happens in the playroom, aside from limits the clinician sets for safety) that allow for the child to experience a sense of control. This feeling of control helps the child to grow, mature, and develop in a way that is not always possible in their real-life experiences. (For more information on child-centered play therapy and other therapy modalities, check out each clinician’s biography and our blogs titled, “From the Therapist’s Chair.”)
While the child is playing, the play therapist will identify the behavior the child is engaging in and reflect those behaviors back to them in such a way that they gain insight into their behavior. For the anxious child who is organizing the animals, the therapist might say, “You’re working really hard to set those animals up just the way you want.” For the child who is being bullied and has the people in the dollhouse scream when the monster attacks, the therapist might say, “They are so scared they’re going to get hurt.” This helps children grow therapeutically in the same way that adult clients grow therapeutically when therapists identify the key parts of what they’re communicating.
The play therapist also establishes conditions in the playroom that allow for the child to develop a more positive self-concept, assume greater self-responsibility, or practice impulse control.
It’s important to remember that your child’s clinician is here to help bridge you and your child’s communication. (To learn more about the process of parent consultations, click here.) It can lead to confusion and frustration when caregivers try to interpret the meaning of their child’s play. (After all, your child’s clinician has been specifically trained in this!) Just like the meaning of words can be misunderstood when two people talk, play can be misunderstood as well.
Have you heard of the simple sentence with seven meanings? The sentence is as follows: “I didn’t say he stole the money.”
Each time you change the word you put the emphasis on, the meaning changes. For example, “I didn’t say he stole the money,” is different from, “I didn’t say he stole the money.”
Similar things can happen with play! A child putting up a fence between two characters in the sandtray might be communicating that the child feels like they know how to protect themself. It might also mean that they feel a division somewhere in their life. It might also mean they feel like they can’t reach someone or something important because of a block in the way. However, your child’s clinician has been trained to speak your child’s language! They are there to help guide you through your child’s play therapy journey.
It’s also important to remember that your child’s clinician is establishing conditions of the playroom that allow for therapeutic play. While some play at home might provide you a bit of perspective into how your child is experiencing the world, I do want to provide caution not to try to interpret everything your child does.
What if my child does not exhibit behaviors with you that I am seeing at home?
Some children come to therapy because of behavioral issues that result from issues with emotional regulation. Sometimes, these behaviors only come up in one setting: only at home, only at school, only with a sibling, etc. This often leads caregivers to ask how the therapist is going to help the child work on anger management if the child is not engaging in the behavioral issues in the playroom.
First, it’s important to note that when a child is angry and dysregulated, the part of their brain that is activated does not allow for learning. You can learn more about how it’s best to reason with and educate your child after they’ve become regulated again in Sarah’s blog on the science behind regulating your child.
A child with a presenting concern of anger management will come into the playroom and use the toys to communicate what their world is like to the therapist, just like the children in the previous examples. The therapist will respond in the same ways that were previously discussed. This will allow for the child to grow therapeutically. In addition to that, there are ways the therapist responds to your child that help them practice impulse control and frustration tolerance.
One way your child’s clinician might help them practice impulse control is through limit setting. In limit setting, the adult (clinician or caregiver) validates the child’s feeling, sets a boundary, and offers alternatives to meet the child’s emotional need. To learn more about how to implement this at home, check out Kaylyn’s blog on limit setting. Here’s an example: a child with a presenting concern of anger management tries to exceed the limit of water that can be poured into the sandtray. When the therapist sets the limit that no more water can be poured into the sand, the child is practicing impulse control which can then be used with anger management in other areas.
Frustration tolerance can be practiced during limit setting, and in other ways, such as playing board games or working on tasks that involve an end goal, such as building a tower or creating a craft. In each of these activities, when the child becomes frustrated but does not become hyper-aroused (does not have an emotional outburst), their tolerance for frustration grows.
In Conclusion…
Play therapy is a collaborative process that transcends words, empowering children to navigate their inner landscapes with resilience and confidence. By embracing the therapeutic potential of play, we empower children to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth, one playful session at a time.
Interested in booking a session with Rachel?
WRITTEN BY Rachel Esparza, LPC Associate (She/Her/Hers)
Rachel Esparza is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate supervised by Jaclyn N. Sepp, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S™, NCC, RYT® 200 and Sheila Wessels, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S™. Rachel is also working towards her Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™) credential. At Texas State University, Rachel earned her Master’s degree in Professional Counseling (CACREP Accredited Program) and her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. She has experience working with children, adolescents, young adults, and families in community counseling settings.
