Mindful Beginnings: Setting Kids Up for Back-to-School Success
As a new school year begins, there's a palpable sense of excitement and hustle around the city. Families are busy with their final back-to-school shopping, schedules are being released, and the anticipation of a new season fills the air. While many children look forward to the fresh start, the return to friends, and a break from the monotony of long summer days, the new school year can also bring anxiety and uncertainty, accompanied by a wave of complex emotions.
Having worked with children and adolescents for over a decade, I often remind both caregivers and children that school is their job. For many adults, it’s easy to forget or minimize the significant impact school has, given how long it’s been since we navigated those hallways ourselves. To put it in perspective, children often spend more waking hours at school than at home.
Imagine school as a full-time job and think about your own experiences starting a new job. Most adults stay in their roles for extended periods, with occasional transitions to new careers or workplaces. In contrast, children face new beginnings every year.
Despite the familiar hallways and some consistent staff, they encounter new teachers, new expectations, new classmates, and new emotions each year. Think about the anxiety you might feel on the first day of a new job—nervousness in your stomach, apprehension about your new co-workers, and uncertainty about what to expect. This is the reality for many children at the start of each school year.
So How Can I Support My Child?
First and foremost, the most impactful thing you can do as a caregiver is to be present. As a mom myself, I often seek answers—how can I support my son? Is he reaching his milestones? What tangible actions can I take? While these questions come from a place of deep care, I remind myself that the number one thing I can do as a parent is to be present.
But what does it mean to be present?
My mind immediately goes to the movie Inside Out. (If you haven’t seen it, both the first and second are worth watching. And yes, as a therapist, I made my spouse watch it on our only date night in months.) There's a scene where Joy is trying to get Bing Bong to hurry, focusing on the positive, while Sadness simply sits with him. She is present. She listens without expectations and meets him exactly where he is.
According to Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, neuropsychologists and authors of The Power of Showing Up, when we show up for our children, we make them feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. So, before diving into the practical ways to support your children, remember to be present—talk with your child, listen, and validate their feelings.
Often our adult brains can easily dismiss or minimize our children's feelings without realizing it. We might say, "Just be yourself. You’ll be fine," or "Just say hi to someone. It’s not that bad." Just like Joy, we don't want to see our children sad or doubting themselves, and while we aim to encourage them, our responses can make them feel as though their feelings aren't valid or heard.
Instead, practice listening and reflecting on what you hear: "You're scared," or "You're nervous you might not know anyone." Think about what you need to hear when you start a new job or when you were a child and maybe had some of those same emotions.
And there are other ways we can be mindful in this new beginning. There are many practical steps that can help our children feel better equipped for the new year.
Establish a consistent routine
Consistency means predictability and predictability often provides a sense of safety. When things are predictable and consistent, we can help minimize the stress of the unknowns.
Keep open lines of communication
The field of education is full of wonderful people who love kids and want to see them shine and succeed. Get to know your child’s school personnel and establish relationships with their teachers, school counselors, and other key individuals. They can be the biggest advocates for our children and are often open to working alongside your child’s therapist to ensure they have the tools and support in all areas of their life.
Prep, prep, prep
New and unfamiliar situations can feel scary, so make them more familiar by talking through what to expect, what will happen, and what things may look like. This could include visiting the school early, mapping out classes, looking at pictures online, attending orientations, or even practicing opening lunch boxes, getting backpacks ready, and other transitions that might seem minor to those more removed from the school setting.
Books are another great resource. Check out our bibliotherapy guide for some ideas
Plan for movement
Research shows that physical activity has significant mental health benefits. Moving your body can help reduce anxiety and depression, improve focus, and increase self-esteem. After a long day at school, engaging in physical activity can be a great way to transition and provide an outlet before starting the evening routine at home.
Provide time for downtime & transitions
Evenings can be busy for many families, often filled with other activities, dinner, and bedtime preparations. The constant demands can increase disruptive behaviors. Spend time talking with your child and identifying things that can help them transition to home—a snack, coloring, or a car ride home ritual.
Talk about the Good Stuff
Anxiety can be all-consuming, and while we don’t want to dismiss their feelings and concerns, it’s also helpful to support them in reflecting on the things they do enjoy. You can start by asking them what they missed during summer, who they’re looking forward to seeing, their favorite lunch, etc.
When Should I Seek Additional Help?
Although back-to-school is a time of transition, if you notice that your child is exhibiting symptoms that feel deeper than “back-to-school blues,” or are worried about your child and think they would benefit from additional support, reach out to a mental health professional.
Some changes you might look out for include:
Increased disruptive behaviors
Significant difficulty separating from caregivers
Significant changes and challenges in their relationships
Increased isolation
Decreased participation in activities they once enjoyed
Changes in their school work and/or grades
Physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue that aren’t related to any medical issue
Your child is experiencing bullying or bullying other students
School refusal
Everyone drags their feet about going to school on occasion, however according to the Child Mind Institute school refusal is defined as an extreme pattern of avoiding school that causes problems for the child. It often accompanies anxiety such as separation anxiety, social anxiety, or generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or panic disorder
However, you don’t need to wait for these signs. Attending therapy isn’t just for when things are tough. Having a safe space with another person in your child’s corner can have significant benefits for all.
While the start of the new school year may be full of many emotions, new beginnings provide us with the opportunity for growth, learning, and connection. Remember, you’re doing great, your child is doing great, and it’s okay to slow down. Enjoy those movie nights, the ice cream by the pool, and maybe even find ways to incorporate some of those moments of connection from summer into your family’s weekly routines.
References:
5 Tips to Easy Back-to-School Anxiety. John Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/5-tips-to-ease-backtoschool-anxiety
Davidson, J. (n.d.). *Back-to-school anxiety*. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/back-school-anxiety/
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). *The power of showing up: How parental presence shapes who our kids become and how their brains get wired*. Ballantine Books.
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WRITTEN BY Dakota Becker, LPC, RPT™, NCC, IPT-CST
Dakota is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™), National Certified Counselor (NCC) and Institute of Play Therapy Certified Sandtray Therapist (IPT-CST). She received her Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of North Texas through their nationally known play therapy program as well as has her Bachelor’s Degree in Child Development.
