Why One-On-One Time is so Valuable
One of the most impactful and beneficial things caregivers can do for their child is to spend regular and intentional one-on-one time with them.
Spending one-on-one time with your child will:
Increase closeness and warmth between you and your child
Strengthen the caregiver-child relationship
Give your child positive parental and caregiving attention
Make your child feel important to you
Increase your child’s self-esteem
Decrease negative attention-seeking behaviors
Give your child space to talk to you about things that may be hard to talk about in other settings
Allow you to tune in to their world
Don’t overthink it.
One-on-one time doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. The goal is to have a positive, fun experience with your child and set them up for success!
Give younger children a few options and allow them to choose which activity they’d prefer. This will increase their engagement in the activity and allow them to lead the play/interaction. Pick a few activities that are age-appropriate and decrease the likelihood that you will need to set boundaries, then allow them to choose which they prefer for that day. For example, if your child loves to paint, you may want to paint with them outside with washable paint so that a mess is okay. If your child struggles to be honest while playing board games, this may be an activity to avoid during one-on-one time. If your child likes to mix playdough colors and that drives you crazy, offer a larger amount of one color to avoid frustration and boundary-setting.
Allow older children more freedom in choosing an activity. Offer suggestions if they’re having trouble coming up with an idea. Be mindful of what you both enjoy. If your anxiety sky-rockets and your fight-or-flight response kicks in when your teen is practicing driving, save that experience for another time.
Some ideas for one-on-one time based on age group.
Toddlers and elementary schoolers
Color
Playdough
Draw with chalk outside
Legos or other building toys
Dress-up
Card games and board games
Arts and crafts
Go for a bike ride
Go for a walk
Adolescents/teens
Have dinner together
Cook or bake together
Go for a drive
Go for a walk
Play cards or other games
Play outside (throwing a ball, etc.)
Work on fun projects (art, scrapbooking, making collages, etc.)
Check out our Pinterest board for more ideas!
Consistency is key.
Younger children are more likely to need 10 minutes of one-on-one time more frequently (daily if you can!). Older children may need longer spans of one-on-one time less frequently. Think of one-on-one time as routine care for your child, just like brushing teeth or reading books. Whether it’s 10 minutes a day with your 4-year-old, morning walks with your middle-schooler, or weekly one-on-one dinner with your teenager, consistency is key.
Be present.
The most important part of one-on-one time is your undivided attention and presence. Resist checking emails, texting, and having the TV on in the background. Turn your phone on silent (or at least vibrate).
Timing is everything.
Especially with younger children, choose a calm time when your child isn’t typically hungry or tired. For young children who need one-on-one time more frequently, plan a daily time. It could be after lunch, before/after bath time, or before reading books in the evening. Scheduling it into your routine will make it easier to stick to on a regular basis.
Take it up a notch!
Want to get even more benefit from one-on-one time? Try these strategies.
Notice and reflect what your child is doing well. This may sound like:
“I like how you’re stacking those blocks!”
“Thank you for using your inside voice!”
“I love how gently you’re playing.”
“I love playing with you.”
“Thank you for sharing with me!”
“What a kind thing for you to do for your friend.”
“You’re really concerned about your friend. You have such a big heart.”
“That was such a great throw!”
When your child opens up to you about something, resist the urge to immediately offer advice. It can be helpful to ask, “Do you want advice or for me to just listen?” Oftentimes, they’re just looking for a listening ear.
Validate their feelings and experiences. This may sound like:
“That sounds really_____ (tough, frustrating, hard, overwhelming, etc.).”
“You’re feeling angry that the tower fell down.”
That was a lot.
The key takeaways are:
Regular and consistent one-on-one time with your child is important and has many benefits.
Choose activities that your child really enjoys and decrease the likelihood you’ll need to set boundaries. Give them a few options and let them choose.
Pick a good time. Especially with younger children, avoid having one-on-one time when they’re likely to be hungry or exhausted.
Give your child your undivided attention during one-on-one time. Reduce distractions. Turn off the TV and put your phone on silent (or, at least, vibrate).
Verbally notice what your child is doing well and praise them for it. Validate their feelings and experiences.
Spending regular one-on-one time with your child of any age is invaluable. It’s the most effective way to decrease negative attention-seeking behaviors and build a secure and warm relationship with your child. If you or your child needs any additional support, reach out to us here. Ensemble Therapy offers individual psychotherapy, parent coaching, and groups, and can assist you in finding a therapeutic approach that best fits your family’s needs.
