Hunt, Gather, Parent
Appropriate Age Range:
Adults and caregivers.
What this book is all about:
This book is about a reporter who is at a loss of how to appropriately disciple her three year old and is struggling to enjoy her time with her kiddo. She decides to travel the world researching indigenous cultures to study how "ancient cultures" raise "happy, helpful little humans." She breaks the book into three sections, the Maya Method (helpful kids), Inuit Emotional Intelligence (anger control for kids AND their parents), and Hadzebe Health (the most confident kids in the world).
Why you might want to read it:
You want to build helpfulness or confidence in your kid or you wish you could tame some of your kids' or your own anger to bring more calm to your parent-child relationship.
3 questions for you to ask yourself after reading it:
Are there areas in which I can allow my child more independence (even if it will take longer in the short term)?
When you begin to feel angry (at your child or generally) or you notice your child getting more frustrated or able to tolerate less what can you do to reset? (Get outside? Turn on the music?)
Do you hover too much? The Hadzebe have an invisible safety net that means they always have an eye on the children but they do not step in to help unless the child is in danger. Can you think of ways you can step back more and let your child struggle... and then succeed!... all by themself? In appropriate dosages?
Additional Notes
This book is NOT written by a mental health professional or someone who has any child development background. There are some examples like asking a child "don't you like me?" or "are you a baby?" that I disagree with. The message is to get them to think about the connection between their behavior and what it is communicating but I think there are more respectful ways to communicate this such as "ouch, I'm not for hitting" if a child hits you or if a child is acting in a way that might be babylike (winning or not sharing when they are old enough to understand the concept) to ask, "this is not what big girls do. Where is my big girl?" in a playful and light way. It is not our children's job to take care of our emotions, which I think is what is conveyed when you ask "don't you like me?" and if not done very carefully, asking if you're a baby could be very shaming or demeaning. I think the anger chapter has a lot of good ideas but those in particular I do not endorse.